A brief fallow period, to write at least. More action, I guess, that needed ingestion, and the processing. I've been engrossed-- perfect word--in the business of the my father's estate. After months of inactivity, I finally sent a very direct email to the financial planner/cpa , asking him what the hold up was, and that I expected the work to be finished by June 15th, six months after the death of my father. He called me to be part of a conference call, and within five minutes, three emails came in with three different meeting times. I finally had to find a calm place within, and then type, 'Please get yourselves on the same page before you email me again. And remember the time difference." The next FOUR HOURS were basically a reiteration of the work I'd done and sent to their offices, Yes I'd sent the paper work to companies a, b, c. And I was waiting on the word from companies a, b, c. A transcription of these four phone hours is too, too boring so I won't include them here. But with all the frustrations the went along with these four hours, the weight started to life from my heart. I also realized the slowness, my perception that the cpa's office was the snail's pace, was misplaced. The oneness is squarely on my avoidance-addicted sister. It's been she who hasn't turned in the forms to these investment firms...I now owe this firm an apology, because for month I've intimated this business should have more momentum.
I have to face my sister on this, because she has to know I publicly criticized this firm unfairly. And while I feel an apology from her would be the adult thing to do, I am not holding my breath. I just cannot keep my disappointment for myself. Miss PeterPan needs life lessons. I am running out of patience with a 40 year old Peter Pan.
On to other things this week, I've struggled with a number of "nuts and bolts" issues with the estate, namely the sale of the house, which is still for sale. We've got to have something looked at under the siding, which can be tricky, and risky (potentially exposing a can of expensive worms). I am vizualizing the contractor finding the least amount of damage and is easily able to fix it on budget. The apparently neurotic buyer backed out even before we had this issue look it at by a contractor. Good riddance, scardey cat.
The personal life hasn't gone so well this week either. Finally seeing the Rheumatologist was overwhelming and I realized that this type of specialist is the one. The one who can tie it all together, put all the blocks into a house, maybe link all the autoimmune diseases under one root cause, or one key. My hopes want to soar, but I'm afraid. Living with chronic pain can make lots of things harder. I am pretty certain my grief is exacerbating or magnifying the pain my arthritic body already feels, that my other autoimmune diseases are also ramping up. Lots of tests, more tests on Tuesday, and some pain meds other than vicodin, so I"m not dopey. I"m trying Celebrex, today for the first day, and stil needed a vicodin to help mitigate the pain. I think once the test results are in , and hte comprehensive panel is complete, we will have a clearer picture. Believe me, I know the toll that grief takes on the body, the mood, the brain. So should I have some sort of uber-kernel of illness that has caused all the other problems, it woudl surely answer long held questions.
I decided to take a little roadtrip today, to go shopping. I had to find some summer clothes that were not falling of me, and to replace my 7 year old summer sandals. And I did! Buy one pair, get two pairs free. That felt like a gift from the gods; finally, a little break. I smiled. When I bought my other goal item, black city shorts (like Bermudas only more tapered at the knee) I also smiled. They fit. Happy day. My splurge of the day was a faceted rose quartz beaded necklace. It felt so cool around my neck, and I love the vibe I get from rose quartz, and know I"ll be wearing it a lot at school in the fall. I'll probably start wearing it tomorrow!
While I did look at lots and lots of black clothes, I chose a dress with a very pretty green pattern. I felt pretty in it. First time in a while. It helps that it fits. ;oO
I have to continue working on eating. It may becoming a problem, after so many months. I am exercisng four to five days a week, but it helps me feel centered and focused. And I"m getting stronger. So I have a check in with my doctor in a month or so --to see how he thinks I'm doing.
More anon. Very tired. Not making much sense. Buona notte
About Me
- Catherine
- In this blog I have created a haven, a place I allow my deepest emotions to go and sit. I can write easily about what I’ve accomplished. This biography I can recite in my sleep. But I’ve always written poetry and in diaries since I was a teenager. I continued to write poetry in my journals, and not until 2006 did I show them to anyone. I generally write every day, at the present in memoir form. I haven’t written poetry since my mother died in January, 2007. I didn’t write at all between her death and the death of my father three years later in January, 2010. On my father’s birthday in March, 2010, I began this blog, to honor my father and to help me grieve. But I also desperately needed to write, and this stream of conscious style emerged. I needed to find my organic voice.
I am sorry to hear of your struggles with settling the estate. You are absolutely spot on about the potential buyer - good riddance. It wasn't meant to be. It happened to me when I sold my house in Florida - you are better off.
ReplyDeleteRetail therapy :) Gotta love it. Especially the shoes.
I am getting a little spooked about our parallel universe - I too have developed arthritis since my Dad passed, and the pain is crippling. Keep us posted on what your specialist says. No insurance for us at the moment - so I will be living vicariously through your doctor visits.
Have you tried eliminating gluten? I am on day 3 of gluten free - and my stomach issues have resolved, I slept like a log the last two nights, and I have more energy and less joint stiffness. When I get to day 7 I'll know for sure - but it is recommended for inflammation related conditions. Just a thought.
*clink* ♥♥